After far too much driving, another overnight bus
This time there were no blankets available to us
Our driver clearly thought this was Formula One
Hurtling a double-decker bus around corners was his kind of fun
His fun, not mine, but hey who's asking
While he was cackling away I was in the back basking
In a beautiful ride of tensed cheeks and curses
I could drive better doing blindfolded reverses
More driving on the second day of our salt flat tour
Our driver Rollo spoke maybe once but at least he was secure
We arrived that night beside an acidic lake
Not where I'd chose to live myself but an interesting spot to wake
Sub zero temperatures made for a cosy night
We pushed the beds together to avoid the chilly bite
A spot of rum and 'would you rather' sent us off to sleep
My kind of lullaby, certainly preferable to counting sheep
Uyuni, Bolivia, home to the great salt flats
Certainly not a place to see welcoming doormats
It's about as inhospitable an environment I've seen
Whites and browns without the slightest hint of green
It is spectacularly vast, and the final resting place
Of my wee toy rhino, prompting a cold case
Investigations concluded that wee rhino wanted to stay
In the middle of the salt flats, eager just to play
I now see home through the eyes of non-kiwis
Those distant islands with a magical breeze
"New Zealand, I've heard it's beautiful there"
"It is", I tell them, as I begin to share
The unworldly freedoms, the childhood of smiles
The hazy summer beaches that stretch for miles
It dawns on me what a deal I've been dealt
Confirming an affection that I've always felt
A day spent chasing waterfalls ended in hospital
We meandered up a river and then Tom took a spill
The deep cut in his leg was soon wrapped up with a towel
Did he want to stop? Keep going - said with a growl
Returning home, Grandma Gloria pointed to the door
So off we went to hospital on a very foreign shore
Naturally the nurse was new to stitches, but Tom didn't mind
She was rather taken to him, but in pain, Tom declined
The kindness of hospitality cannot be understated
Cleaning out the cobwebs that the dusty road created
A smile across the table and a second plate of food
Jokes about the soap that we had managed to elude
A witty granny at the helm for all our sewing needs
I'm thankful for this house and all the kindness that it breeds
To say our thanks we cook a meal in true improvised kiwi style
Grandad's impressed, and later says it's his first dinner in a while
So there we were, sitting by the highway
Our overnight bus had dropped us off in the grey
An old woman stood there frying something in a pan
We bought the something, and sat there as the day began
We munched the fried something and sipped at milky oats
Cars marched their way to work, grunting through their throats
Breakfast by the road, as Cochabamba stirred into action
I nod at the lady. Road breakfasts - I can see the attraction
The witches at the witch market look at me funny
I keep my head down, fumbling my money
Their assorted potions line the store shelves
While their children duck in and out like elves
A popular potion is called "follow me follow me"
You blow the powder onto your lover to be
I left that one alone, the witch gave a scowl
I look back and her eyes track me like an owl
I hop on the motorbike, shit it has gears
I get ten minutes to practice and harness my fears
Moments after falling, it's "vamos" and we're off
I discover motorbike prowess is nothing to scoff
We zoom through a place called Valley of the Moon
Dogs snap at our heels and I feel as macho as a baboon
We chew up dirt roads with maniacal laughter
The exact mix of silly and fun I was after
Yahtzee is a great game with dinner
You can munch while you casually establish a winner
It's entirely luck but at the same time not at all
The strategies are complex, big risks can enthral
Something about dice games bring me joy
Maybe the simplicity, like playing as a boy
It certainly helped that the dinner was devine
A few roles later the win was mine
Let's walk up that mountain, yes that's a good idea
We'll take up some lunch, avo and bread rolls to share
Let's leave at midday, it is only the hottest time to walk
The stifling heat should give us ample opportunity to talk
Let's push on, despite the non-existent path
We could step on a snake, wouldn't that be a laugh
Oh are we here? It doesn't quite feel like the top
Let's ignore the heat, the bugs and really enjoy our lunch stop
We were waiting at seven, we got picked up at nine
An hour's bus ride took us to the starting line
My chain fell off when I first hopped on the bike
Not the kind of start to the Death Road you would like
Spectacular mountains turned to gravel and rain
Where slips and waterfalls made for difficult terrain
Snow to jungle in four hours of descent
Muddy and alive, we were totally spent
The central prison of La Paz has a quirky tale
Inmates don't experience what I consider a normal jail
Many have families that live with them in their cells
And kids who leave daily to attend school for brief spells
Cocaine (known as sugar) is a currency of sorts
It can be seen thrown in packages that land in the city's main court
Don't pick up flying packages we were told with a wink
We finished up the tour with a strange local drink
I arrived in La Paz with my stomach a mess
We had Tom's somewhat confusing address
We finally found it, but there was no space
We settled for another after a bit of a goose chase
La Paz is packed with noise and concrete
There are zebras to help you cross the street
I kid you not - they are a volunteer army
That dress up as zebras and make street crossing balmy
All of a sudden a donkey appeared
We were on a hike and Tom wasn't scared
He mounted the ass, and dug in his heels
In response the donkey spun a few wheels
I burst out laughing but that quickly subsided
It was my turn next, I squeakily confided
That I'd never ridden a wild donkey
But ride one I did, though only a step took he
I walked across the Bolivian border
With Jack the Englishman who gave the order
To arise from my bleak disposition
Which was aided by Tom's apparition
Tom had arrived! We met in Copacabana
We took the ferry across a stretch the size of Ghana
Well, not exactly, the speed was a bit of a joke
Then we lost football and had to buy the kids a coke
Choking back the tears, I said
Goodbye, ignoring the voice in my head
Stay! You idiot. Don't leave such a place
With so much love it's not easy to face
Uncertainty and life on the road
I hopped on the bus as the tears flowed
I hoped it would stop, some reason to stay
The bus drove off into the grey
A farewell party all for me, my face up on the walls
Take me on in a final beer pong if you've got the balls
Of course the party had a theme
A pajama party - which has always been the dream
Never have I ever been so comfortable at a party
Sitting in my pajamas, sipping on something hearty
You can move seamlessly from party mode to bed
We sandwiched the two with a trip for pita bread
A night out at a party hostel named Loki
The place was packed for their eleventh anniversary
I wore Mel's jacket, as Twisted Prom was the theme
The crowd filled in with a steady stream
A sculpture of the word Loki was set on fire
As fireworks burst climbing ever higher
Still, the place has got nothing on the mighty Milhouse
We tip toed away with the stealth of a mouse
Mel and I went to get our hands read
With trepidation I listened to what the man said
I was expecting something a whole lot graver
He said I'm kind and always willing to do a favour
I'll have a few kids - the details were hazy
I'm missing my family - not farfetched or crazy
There were other things said but mystery is fun
On the way back we walked in the sun