Doing laundry in Peru is a hands-off affair
It's great because it is cheap but just be aware
Of how many clothes you are handing across
Socks can slip through the cracks like dental floss
And perhaps buy shirts that are three sizes too big
To allow for the hilariously inevitable shrinkage
Your laundry won't be on time, or within the right hour
As of course to the Peruvian, timeliness is dour
I find dogs with clothing a little bit silly
A little garment here and there when they are chilly
It only adds to their appearance as an accessory
I say ditch the garments, let them be free
Don't let them die, just don't put them in handbags
You might as well give them Luis Vuitton tags
Spread the word, make a hashtag that goes viral
Someone must end this dog-shaming spiral
Alice went back down the rabbit hole
Alice found events difficult to control
Ryan found that Alice spoke Spanish too fast
Ryan didn't understand it all, but chose not to broadcast
Mel was deeply engrossed in Alice's plight
Mel understood it all, she's a little bit more bright
Alice returned having saved the world
Ryan needed a recap of how the story unfurled
In perhaps the biggest update, I have a new favourite fruit
The flavour leaves me with very little to dispute
Granadilla is its name, now don't be swayed
By its embryonic interior, go forth unafraid
Rip open the skin, and devour the seeds
Let yourself be taken to wherever the journey leads
After you're done, savour that sweet aftertaste
Then for goodness sake make sure you dispose of your waste
The town was deserted, had there been an apocalypse?
We had taken a two hour bus ride, one of the more gruelling trips
We were here to see a spectacular sunrise the following day
Nothing moved, no dog or child so we searched for a place to stay
After a night in a hostel, we awoke at some silly hour
The driver took us up a windy road, the air was an icy shower
By six o'clock the sun finally poked its nose above the clouds
I'm told that during the festival this place attracts the crowds
I only knew Hugh for five days, at most
He was a man who's life was never far from the coast
There was an ocean to his nature, so genuine and full
His aura was immense, it had a tidal pull
So sharp was his wit that I was never quite prepared
For his off-the-cuff, straight-faced comments that he shared
I'm thankful to have spent a moment in a common tide
This life we know is such a brief and unexpected ride
One day I'd like to own a snooker table
I'll host a weekly tournament for anyone able
To hold their own on such vast quantity of wool
The music will be sultry and the room will be full
Of friends from home and new friends made
There'll be a pseudo referee who won't get paid
A little boy watching on, drinking in every play
Little do we know he'll be world champ one day
Hidden away in a tent lost in time
Where there were games to play and trees to climb
I remember the leap, surely the branch was too far
The dew under the sleeping bag, oh look a shooting star!
The scorching skin as I hopped along the sand
The juiciness of a plum, the brush of a hand
The scents and sounds of a childhood in my head
Nothing compares to mum's homemade bread
On the way home from a drink and a dance
I got talking with a war veteran by chance
He had shifted to the tranquil life of taxi driving
He was warm and loquacious, he talked about surviving
And showed me photos of him in his prime
Sometimes I forget the value of time
He drove off with a toot, more stories to tell
I gave him an extra sol and wished him well
The planetarium was a night not to be missed
As it happened, we went on the winter solstice
The combination of full moon and shortest day
Made for quite a spectacular Milky Way
By chance we were able to see Saturn and its rings
Which is apparently one of the rarest things
To be seen from Cusco, due to the altitude
I left with a new interest to be pursued
Slugging around, movies and bed
The Pisco Sours went to my head
A buffet of choices to sample on the telly
And cereal abound to the delight of my belly
By bed time my body was somewhat confused
As every muscle felt completely unused
Except for my eyes, I'm not fond of that feeling
I lay awake for a while staring up the ceiling
The restaurant tonight had a live salsa band
Their enthusiasm; as intoxicating as the Pisco Sour in hand
The old man on the bongos felt like an old friend
As he banged and he belted each tune to the end
The other percussionist made eyes at a table
The guitarist played as if in front of a record label
The bass player at the back merely shrugged and grooved
Their vibes were on point, and I approved
The lodge was deserted, as myself and the staff
Were huddled behind the kitchen, watching the first half
Of a big football match, fixated upon a small TV
Candles were lit, as the game was using all electricity
The TV was a recent purchase, they had all chipped in
None of them were all that concerned about who would win
I ducked away at half time to the strange sounds of the night
To a cold shower in the forest, lit only by candlelight
Six-a-side football on a dusty, odd-shaped pitch
We're in the heart of the Amazon, and I don't have the stitch
I'm zipping around like a cat on cocaine
Defenders dive at my ankles, sometimes in vain
They're crafty, these fellows, they don't mind a bent rule
Some of them prefer to stand, perhaps running is uncool
In my head I'm Messi but I'm not sure it shows
I look like I've just been swimming at the game's close
Ants march in a line with leaves on their back
Their journey is perilous with humans on the track
The giant ones stoically carry the leaf
The smaller ones hitch a ride, seemingly causing more grief
But no, they're nibbling away to make the leaf smaller
Others march on ahead, they're the leaf installer
I wouldn't want to have some of these in my pants
These creatures are glorious, they are leaf cutter ants
We enter the Amazon on a zoomy wee boat
Two hours to camp, it's rather remote
Bananas, candles and mosquito nets
The animals find their voice as the sun sets
We head off on a night walk through the bush
The first in line gets a gentle push
A two-toed sloth climbs furiously slow
The spiders and snakes emerge from the shadow
Am I seeing this right? Beer pong with the parents
Dad's quite happy to focus on interference
It's the girls against the boys, mum's finding some form
Mel's draining everything, as is the norm
I'm desperately trying to salvage some pride
Dad couldn't hit a cup if it was two metres wide
The boys were shameful in a landslide defeat
With our heads bowed we went and took a seat
We visited Machu Picchu but the real fun began
As we were walking along the the train tracks (always a good plan)
We entered a tunnel, there was no way around
And of course halfway through we heard a rumbling sound
Through the darkness a light appeared, revealing our faces
A mixture of horror and disbelief as we searched for human-sized spaces
Like geckos we hugged the wall, trembling but steadfast
Then a squeal of delight as the train hurtled past
The final day of our marvellous hike
We found a dog, who shall be named spike
Spike was thirsty, so we gave him a drink
Spike became more attached than you might think
Spike followed us the whole way down
Spike stopped suddenly at the edge of the town
Spike could go no further and so
Spike howled and whimpered as he watched us go
The old woman rises out of bed, her energy belies her years
She spots a group on the horizon, and promptly goes to fetch her beers
She loads them in her backpack as she has done so many times before
She checks the hiking group's position and promptly strolls out the door
Traversing three hours of mountain track with her little dog in tow
She arrives at a popular lunch location that only she would know
It is there she is greeted by a thirsty group of hikers ready to pay
And thus we sipped on cold beers that night (and what a business model I must say)