September
Took Dotty the dog inside the airport
If we were told off we would promptly abort
Lara was arriving from New York
Dotty used this opportunity to do a catwalk
Heads turned, and one lady approached
"A guide dog in training", should the subject be broached
She asked whether Dotty was a sniffer dog
I nodded, turned, and proceeded to jog
My first play in London did not live up to the hype
Like a dodgy connection when you're excited for Skype
It was a whodunit tale with minimal suspense
The ending was clever but the rest - far from tense
The main character spat more than changing his face
The first half was dour, the second picked up the pace
My excitement for the theatre has merely suffered a delay
I'll seek refuge in the West End for my second play
A spot of golf to round out the day
Quality non-existent but nice to play
A quaint course, very calm and green
The kind of place where you might bump into the Queen
Nut-crazed squirrels bounced all around
A deer shuffled by keeping low to the ground
The English summer in its final sigh
The winter preparing a hasty reply
Dotty the dog has lost the plot
She'd have great difficulty hearing a shot
She keeps forgetting when she last ate
She uses her nose to gently nudge the plate
Her floppy ears warm her tired face
On our walks she maintains a proud pace
She zooms to the bedroom without being lead
As soon as she senses anyone going to bed
Touch down in London and straight to dance class
I thought the long flight might've given me a pass
The average age was double that of my own
Ten minutes later and I was in the zone
A room full of polite people stepping on toes
Rekindled intimacy and clashing elbows
Handshakes all round and then off for some food
Time to put right the lack of sleep I'd accrued
Six crazy months in eight little lines
South America surely combines
All of the colour, the boldness of existence
The fragile systems and constant resistance
With unshielded eyes, I've shifted and thought
I've bumped into people I've learnt from and taught
I leave without changing the world a great deal
But I've increased my capacity to learn and to feel
The dance floor was sticky
Getting through was tricky
The DJ was over-enthusiastic
My dance moves were inelastic
A girl had a fit, we took her outside
People passed out by the curbside
Things became increasingly bizarre
The strange night ended with a dysfunctional car
I went to Starbucks - I never go there
I bought a cookie and found a chair
I felt rather odd, having just said goodbye
I had an 8-hour wait until my plane was to fly
I got talking to the guy across from me
I found him compelling, and two became three
I switched my gaze; a Spaniard had joined in the fun
We spoke, we laughed and then I had to run
My penultimate day in Cusco
I'm not sure I'm ready to go
Very few are worse at goodbyes
Each one seems to take me by surprise
Tomorrow I'll be leaving behind
Something that you rarely find
A home on the other side of the Earth
I'll be back, for what it's worth
My last time playing on this majestic pool table
You must go and play on it if you are able
At times, more sloped than a pregnant belly
It's nestled under a sport-playing telly
Home advantage comes with knowing the contours
The Milhouse pool table listens and cures
It carries the scars of battles long gone
We arrive, we feel, we move on
Glorious dust flew into my eyes
We zoomed along under blue skies
Yiyo and myself had motorbikes for the day
We left the group to make our own way
Naturally we found ourselves extremely lost
Thankfully our late arrival came at no extra cost
Mel zoomed behind on a nippy four-wheeler
I'm addicted to bikes, this was just a feeler
Mix it up at the gym
Change plans on a whim
Drop the weights and do a handstand
Have a boxing match (unplanned)
Do a strangely seductive dance
Do a downward dog facing France
Gym bunnies take their seriousness too far
Relax, the lot of you - be who you are
The kids at Sunday football are growing cheeky
Their remarks in Spanish are increasingly sneaky
Subtle comments that they think we don't get
While innocently smiling, hardly breaking a sweat
But we're on their case, like hounds on a scent
We will not stand for this humiliating dissent
So we smash them, destroy them (in a footballing sense)
The only way forward is through ruthless offence
High noses and golden things
White linen and hidden springs
Flash hotels don't excite me at all
I like places to kick a ball
I'm here for Mel, so here we are
A fancy dinner and later a spa
Roasted marshmallows slightly burnt
They taste the best as we've all learnt
The 48-hour film competition
Always proves to be a mission
I woke up at midnight to provide some ideas
The news of our genre was met with cheers
We were given horror much to our delight
We had a creepy house to use for both nights
I helped them scheme from my bed in Peru
Then fell asleep without removing a shoe
I'm a sucker for a good pub
A cheeky pint and some grub
Boisterous and yet cosy
A barman who's a bit nosy
Belching and snorting
Men unsuccessfully courting
Wobbly legs and bouncing bellies
A dodgy door lined with Wellies
Saying goodbye is a necessary thing
When your plans change like the coming of Spring
Here goes another that caused a ripple
He only pours his shots by the triple
Charles was the one that took me in
A dirty mind and a permanent grin
He's short and sweet and I'll be sad when he's gone
The numbers are falling but life goes on
I've followed Arsenal since the days of FIFA '05
I watch them regularly (it keeps the love affair alive)
They played away in Paris - never an easy task
From the outset I thought I could taste defeat from the flask
After a bad start the boys ground out a result
To the opposition the score would have been an insult
Arsenal were dominated, but good teams find a way
That will, for now, keep the critics at bay
There's a growing unrest seeping in
A silent disquiet amongst the din
It's the dogs you see, they're barking mad
One minute they're rabid and the next minute sad
There's talk of rat poisoning on the street
That would explain why the dogs are less than upbeat
They leap out at me as I walk past
I hope it changes and changes fast
A good burger can change a life
And soothe all manner of daily strife
The Milhouse version is no exception
Always arriving to a warm reception
The avocado here simply cannot be beat
It is softer, cheaper and always available to eat
Thankfully each burger has avo in spades
I'd give the chefs exemplary grades